The Single Dad Detour
Where Brooks really shines are his personal anecdotes and stories that give a personal account of his own failures and parenting potholes. I laughed out loud more than once, reading about some of the crazy stuff he did, and then what he had to do to make things right. His stories about losing his children were heartbreaking, and his experiences are real in a way that we can all understand, even if we haven’t been in his shoes. This is a voice and a perspective that is needed. I may not be divorced, and I hope that I never am, but my parents split up when I was in third grade. Whatever else you may take from this review, I can tell you this with full sincerity: I wish my dad had had this book thirty years ago. It would have made a world of difference.
I’m not the target audience for this book, but I chose to review it because I thought The Single Dad Detour might be a valuable asset to the many men who find themselves in this life situation – and I was exactly right! I can’t speak on how it compares to other books on this topic because I don’t believe there’s much out there for divorced/single dads. The Single Dad Detour is a much-needed book, functional and practical in the topics covered, and very well written.
In the introduction, Tez writes: “What we will learn is how to be a rock for our kids while still healing from the trauma ourselves.” Tez is someone I’ve grown to admire through these pages – because he’s been in a rough place, endured the unthinkable, made mistakes, failed, succeeded, and come through it closer to his children and to God than ever before. There’s nothing “preachy” about this book; Tez just writes in a conversational style from the heart, with raw honesty and humor, drawing from his own experiences and those of others he has met.
Part of The Single Dad Detour offers practical help with this new reality, such as creating a new home environment, cooking, physical health, and making new family traditions. Other sections deal with the emotional side, like the pain of rejection, grieving and overcompensating. I loved chapter 10, a great visual where Tez uses various models of cars to illustrate the image traps dads can fall into.
Most important of all, Tez devotes much attention to our personal relationship with God – putting God on the throne of our hearts, the need for meeting with other believers, being in community – and then modeling God to our children. One of my favorite sections is chapter 10, where Tez talks about the supreme importance of abiding in Christ. Drawing from the story of Mary and Martha, he closes with this thought:
“Everything the world throws at single dads – lust for sexual encounters, desire for possessions for ourselves and our kids, recognition as good dads – it all comes from mere humans. There’s nothing honorable or long-lasting about it, because this planet is fizzling out, along with all the stuff in it. But fathers who choose the good portion (that of spending time in God’s presence) have chosen something that lasts forever.”
The Single Dad Detour would be a great asset to any single dad – whether just going through this situation or several years on the other side. If there’s a single dad in your family or circle of friends, giving them this book and praying for them would have tremendous impact. Highly recommended.
The Single Dad Detour was both a fun and insightful read. It is designed for divorced dads, but I also think the book is great for newly widowed or never-married Dads, or even for women searching for ways to support a divorced father in their life.
This book cuts out the junk and today’s fads and zeroes in on timely wisdom from God. Regardless of where you stand on faith and spirituality, consider this: If you read every secular self-help book in the world on parenting and relationships, it won’t even compare to the supernatural wisdom of the creator of your soul. You don’t have time for all those secular books, and they don’t deliver, anyways. Tez Brooks writes with the power of the Holy Spirit, with thoughts that are grounded in the Scriptures he references, saving you tons of time.
Yet I want to be very clear: Brooks is not preachy. He is humorous and admits his own faults, a sacrifice he is willing to make to help single dads — and their families. His courageous writings will inspire you and warm your heart.
Also, the application questions at the end of each chapter are brief, simple, and to-the-point. They get to the heart of what newly divorced Dads need to be pondering as they navigate through the murky waters of single parenthood. Highly recommended.
Practical steps to embrace God’s mission for single dads conventional wisdom holds that fathers have few parenting skills and that mothers always know best. The single father is often considered a mythical creature, found only in sitcoms as an object of humor or pity. Where does that leave real single dads? Too often, it makes them susceptible to overcompensation or apathy.
Tez Brooks knows those feelings all too well. He’s traveled that road with his own children after an unexpected divorce. The Single Dad Detour is the result of his journey and the lessons he’s learned along the way. It’s a guidebook for the rocky road of single fatherhood, extending encouragement, confidence, and challenges, using specific examples from dads who’ve survived parenting and have hope to offer.
There are no unreachable requirements for perfect fatherhood here and no twisty theological mysteries–just authentic, down-to-earth wisdom from one dad to another.
About the Author:
When you become suddenly divorced and it was definitely something you did not intend to happen for yourself or the plan you had for your life, you have to readapt. Tez Brooks, knows this very well. In his book, The Single Dad Detour–he shows us the nuts and bolts of this new life description and he shows us in his own way that even though he was handed lemons he definitely has to change his thinking and embrace this new role and maybe make some lemonade.
There are so many books out there on being a single mom but not many on the subject of single fatherhood—this book was a refreshing look at what the father has to endure as a result of divorce and how to rise above it. Along with God he was able to weather this storm and any that followed, but more times than many it took more faith than he could muster or so it seemed. I tell my own family, many times that God is in the details and I feel through his journey, the author found just that.
I loved the book and found the lessons that the author learned to be very beneficial to ALL singles out there struggling to survive. I think that without God as your primary focus and gauge, you will probably fail at surviving such detrimental circumstances such as divorce. It is hard enough as it is trying to have a successful marriage but trying to navigate divorce with kids in tow can be equally as hard if not more so. This book is perfect for that and it teaches you how the author relied on God to do so.
Tez stresses throughout the book that, “the Lord desires men who will rise to their potential in whatever situation they are facing.” He shares his divorce journey and how he and his wife tried everything to make their marriage work: date nights, marriage retreats, counseling and prayer times. Nothing worked. The “shameless begging” ended in a relationship lost.
It’s at this time that we find a broken man searching for answers. It’s a brokenness that any reader will relate to at some point in their life. He reflects on the past and then finds comfort and solace from friends and through his relationship with Christ.
“Back then, I had no older men speaking into my life – even my father didn’t know how to counsel me.”
“By the time I was sixteen I was on my own when it came to finding wisdom during challenging circumstances.”
“I was already used to being an island and too naïve to seek out a mentor.”
“I went straight to my friends’ home . . . I cried in his arms as his wife, Marsha, prayed over me and fixed me a cup of hot tea.” “That night a piece of my heart died.”
“The only way to survive this was to run to Jesus . . . I wasn’t even thinking about the kids. I was just trying to breathe.”
What an amazing book! This book is much more than just a “how to” encyclopedia. Although, the book is loaded with great ideas and single dad tips, its strength and beauty comes from its heartfelt stories, wise advice, and vulnerable reality. This, in my opinion, is why this book is a must read for Christian single dads and divorcees and every Christian counselor and pastor should own a few copies to give away.
Tez encourages his readers to not run away from relationship but rather to embrace them all. He explains that men “become feral” when they don’t have other involved in their life and he reminds us that it’s in community that we learn important life skills. His pastor let him know that crying was healing and his counselor coached him to a healthier place.
The book is filled with interactive sections, website links, and wise advice on several topics. He teaches us the importance in learning how to admit our mistakes and say sorry to our children. He warns that men who go through a marriage breakup experience temptations like they’ve never had before. There are cooking basics and advice on rethinking traditions, disciplining children, and visitation struggles and the book shares great recommendations on how to be prepared to date again, face remarriage, and blend families.
Some of Tez’s best guidance, I believe, comes from his reminder not to live to impress or deplete your energy on keeping up appearances: “I care very little these days about what people think of me, allowing myself to be weak, transparent, and full of flaws so the Lord can show his glorious strength.” It is this vulnerability and Tez’s story of brokenness that makes this book the best I’ve ever found on the topic. If you want true healing and timeless advice or know someone who can use guiding encouragement through their painful encounter as a single divorced father, this book is a must read. I received my complimentary copy of The Single Dad Detour for review from Litfuse Publicity Group and Kregel Publications.
I became so interested in the book that I ended up reading the entire thing. I have to say I am really impressed with this book. First, from being a single mom in the past I can honestly say that though the book was written for single dads it can be as helpful to single moms.
Second, the author is shockingly honest with many of his past failures. He provides much needed wisdom of things to think about as you start the journey of being a single parent, things to consider and things you will go through. He clearly has grown in his wisdom from his past and is passing this on. This is not a dull read but a very interesting and useful read.
In The Single Dad Detour, Tez Brooks shared the countless lessons and principles he learned going through a divorce. His wife decided to leave him when their two children was little. He attempted to restore their marriage by going to counseling, having prayer times, and date nights but she refused and turned her back on God. He struggled like most men with the reality that she could be going out with other men, another man could be kissing his children goodnight, and his self-worth was diminished. He revealed the powerful truth found only in forgiveness and how he was finally able to do just that. The book also covered how he handled dating, getting remarried, and creating a blended family with his new wife.
I would recommend this book to every single divorced father who is struggling in dealing with the painful effects of a divorce and raising their children. This book is very unique because there isn’t many books written primarily to single Christian dads. I’m not in the target audience for this book and I’m not married yet or have children. I choose to read this book in order to learn and increase my knowledge. I liked how Tez Brooks shared what the divorce taught him and how he dealt with the many changes he encountered. One of my favorite things, he discussed was the temptations that could appeal to you especially when your lonely. I liked how he warned divorced men to be extremely careful and not fall into the trap of having make up sex with your ex-wife because in God’s eyes you’re not married anymore. Passion has a way of getting us in trouble but we have to stand our ground and resist. If you’re remarried, then it’s a different story. I appreciated how honest he was throughout the book about the mistakes and the things he learned. I also enjoyed how he included scripture at the end of each chapter and a prayer meant to be prayed. This book will encourage dads that there is in fact life after divorce and healing can occur and their heart will mend. If you’re looking for an inspirational book about surviving a divorce, then read this book!
The ideal situation is not to be a single parent. However, due to circumstances of death or divorce, this situation occurs.
This book covers the circumstances due to divorce and how men can still be a dad with purpose and strength. In this book you will see a theme of redemption from the pain of divorce. Let me state that divorce is not the Lord’s desire, but in some cases of adultery or if a spouse just forsakes her family for reasons uncovered, divorce then becomes a reality. And God can still be at work in the midst of those unforeseen circumstances.
This book is a practical guide that addresses the single dad who does not want to give up on his mission as a dad. The principles and anecdotes shared will renew the vision of a single dad and be a resource for him in the coming seasons of being a single dad.
This is a book that must be put in the hands of single dads, because frankly, there just are not a lot of resources out there for single dads who love Jesus.
As a single mother, I thought this book might be of some interest to me, despite that the book is obviously directed at men. I think it’s great to see resources out there for single fathers who refuse to become deadbeats like many opt to do, and the author of this book writes from the standpoint of having been a single father himself.
One thing that stood out to me about this book and which I appreciated was that overall the chapters are really short. That made this book a great one to read in short bursts when I only had a few minutes here or there for focus–a common scenario in single parenting.
I also appreciated the actual content of the book. The author has some good insights and gives helpful guidance to fathers, whether they’re the primary custodian or not. Even though the book is aimed at men, I found many parts of the book helpful for myself as a single mother as well. The author takes a conservative leaning with plenty of reference to scripture and Biblical principles. The parenting advice is similar to advice found in other Christian parenting books, but the specific angle of parenting as a single father is one that’s not so frequently covered in other books.
In this practical, funny, and very moving guide through parenting after a divorce, Tez Brooks never comes across as an “expert”. Instead he is a fellow pilgrim, one who has already walked the road and is willing to take the time to point out the potential pitfalls and dangerous detours to travelers coming along after him.
This is a spiritual book and a useful one. Thanks to Brooks’ unfailing honesty (would anyone make up buying a dog bed for their kid?) it is not sanctimonious. Brooks has walked the walk. He is authentic, compassionate and manages to bring order out of the chaos that can be parenting, particularly parenting while wounded. He also knows how and when to laugh. And that may well be an unintended benefit of reading this book. We are all better parents when we are able to laugh at ourselves.
I recommend this book for single dads (and moms!) but I think also it might be useful for all parents. While the issues Brooks addresses may be more problematic for single parents, many of them are universal for parents. This would also be a great fodder for discussion in a small group.
While this is not a title I would have spotted on the shelf and thought, “Now, that’s something I want to learn about!”, this is a great book.Tez writes openly and honestly, tackling the deeper issues at hand right along with the lesser issues. Having been the child of a divorced family myself, the road map that this book lays out for a single-again-dad hits all the topics that stand out in my memories of that chaotic time, plus some that I probably wasn’t even aware of.
Single dads will benefit from the “I’ve been there, let me show you some tricks of the trade” assistance that this book lays out, and yet, it’s not written as if the reader is clueless. Mature and responsible men know that sometimes we have to ask for help or guidance to get through a struggle. Surviving the aftermath of a divorce is one of those times, and this book is a great way of getting started in that journey.